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my micro-treatise on the future of diva pop


michael jackson
, a 46 year old black man, from a fairly big boned background...

how does that quote go? "only in america can you be born a poor black boy, and end up as a filthy rich white woman." the wig is killing me. i've got one word: ::pre-op::


i think i see where this is going...

michael get's jailed for molestation, albeit the prosecution's case has so many holes, a relatively short sentence is handed down. several months into his sentence, michael's health declines. he pulls a richard speck and undergoes a sexual re-assignment operation in prison. upon leaving the hospital he/she announces to the press that she has changed her religion from jehovah's witness to scientologist. his/her health begins to improve and michael, now michelle becomes inspired and begins working on groove oriented pop-rock demos while still incarcerated.

post-op she gives an interview with barbara walters during prime-time. after phsychological evaluation and a slew of batteries, she is released to a "posh" halfway house. 2 years to the day after the operation and still in her early fifties, she orchestrates a comeback. no. the comeback. but here's the rub. not as a solo artist.

he/she once again fronts a supergroup. cher and diana ross come out of retirement to do cameos on the album. lil' kim does a rap on the first single, which is remixed for the club scene by dallas auston. the main line-up consists of (moon in waning) sister janet jackson, newly dubbed michelle "poko" jackson, beyonce' and that one hot ass chic who left en vogue. various divas pop up in videos and advertisements via the web and cell phones, in that creepy -"you go girl" kinda way that famous people intra-advocate.

the name "poko" was given to michael/michelle in the hospital after a few orderlies and residents began describing him/her as looking like something out of a japanese anime flick. michelle liked it. it stuck. kinda like jacko a decade before. these things happen. especially in the music biz. remember the move from cougar to melloncamp, daddy to diddy... you get the point.

after getting off to a shaky start with a poor choice of the first single, the second single explodes. a handful of people in san francisco, houston, chicago and baltimore commit suicide when they fail to be chosen as extras in a "performance" video for the third single - a novelty hard rock song in the spirit of "beat-it" , "dirty diana" and "black cat." this song and the groundbreaking video that accompanies it sends the album thru the stratosphere. eddie van halen does a synth solo on the last track of the album which is hailed as one of the most mindboggingly hard to reproduce synth leads in recent memory...

of course all pop-cultural evocations blister and bleed out into unforseen directions. the success of the album, which finally levels off around the 25 million mark, unintentionally launches the retro fetish of early 90's girl diva bands. suddenly, having a chic who looks like lisa bonet or t-boz to front your rock band is the "it" thing to do. but then again i could be wrong.




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